A Brief History of Texting

In the beginning was the cave wall with a stick figure without pants, and a stick figure with a skirt. The one without pants was a man, a Mr. – mister, a noun, and the other was a Mrs. – noun, missus; the start of two problems, bad spelling, and her later on wearing the pants in the family. This was when noun text messaging began – people reading the pics on the cave walls and going forth with the gossip.

Then when writing was invented, along came spelling problems that made learning to read hard for anyone who was American. Daniel Webster tried to show us the definition of every word, its abbreviation, its source, its gender, on and on, but that made writing in school too slow and drove the teachers crazy correcting papers with their red pens.

So students went directly to spell check on their keyboards, and skipped learning vocabulary, let alone spelling.

Teen people got used to doing their own thing with the noun text.  For instance, they simply shortened the word textbook by dropping the book part because everyone knew those were getting too big and heavy for backpacks.  And a lot of books were ending up in the college book store, unused, for which the students got only a pittance back.

Oh yes, and the noun text  has historically been taken over by preachers who are inclined to announce in dead tones, “The text for this morning is found in Romans …..”, and who then drone on at a length comparable to the full textbook  mentioned above.

But listen. This is when the noun turns into a verb, an action word, texting. It probably came about pretty much during Sunday church service when the captive audience sat with heads bowed, looking prayerful, but more like checking the screens of their Iphones which were mostly turned off…except for a hallmark occasion in which one would accidentally go off during the morning prayer, or communion. Then all heads would go up — to see who did it.

Well, whatever the truth may be, as any reader can tell, I don’t know thing 1 about texting. The above is all speculation on my part. I just know that yesterday, when I got a ‘forward’ called Texting For Seniors, I read all the letter codes with their definitions, and knew right away that according to that mockery, I am a confused, plastic, incontinent, lazy, unfriendly oldster of classic description.

Okay. Well that does it! Just let me text right back:  DYDETATMKA – don’t you dare even think about taking my keys away!

Did I do it right?

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